Every Runner Has a Pooping Story, or Two...

Every runner has a pooping story and while the narratives are all different, they always end with a shower. It’s a simple fact - the more you run, the more you poop. One’s ability to access a bathroom can be the difference between their best or worst race ever. Access to “the can” can turn a comfortable ten mile run into an exasperating sprint to your car.

 

Number two rarely comes up in polite conversation and therefore new runners are often left to learn on their own. Today, I will take one for the team and share two stories to help normalize pooping and running. Rather than serving as a source of personal embarrassment, hopefully this post will promote dialogue and understanding. 

Pooping Story #1 - the fastest way to friendship

There is an old saying, “The fastest way to friendship is disclosing that you really need to poop.”. Never did this ring more true than during one of my first runs with Cindy, my funny co-worker from down the hall. It was an extremely rainy Saturday and by mile four, we were drenched. With three miles to go, we were having a great time, venting about work and about my non-existent love life, when I felt this rumble in my belly. I ignored it at first hoping it would go away, but soon the urge seemed to travel lower into my intestinal region. I needed a bathroom and I needed one soon. We chatted a while longer when I finally blurted out, “Cindy, I really need to poop!” She probably saw  the urgency in my eyes and knew that our new goal was to find a restroom. Above us, the sky seemed to turn more gray and the distant thunder seemed to coincide with the growling in my gut. We ran a few more blocks and came upon a restaurant. I realized walking in that I must have looked like a drowned cat, but there was no time to hesitate. In a few minutes excrement would be exiting my body, toilet be damned. Luckily, the kind server took pity and allowed me to use the facilities. Ten minutes later and three pounds lighter, I was outside apologizing to Cindy, embarrassed, but feeling so much better. A more experienced runner, she explained to me that pooping was a part of the running experience. She showed so much understanding that I knew we’d be friends for a long time and I was right.

Pooping Story #2 - another reason to bring TP

I jumped out of bed, threw my clothes on, and brushed my teeth. I heard the doorbell ring and rushed to the door. My hair was still a mess as I let my friend, Mel, in the house. “Sorry Mel, I just woke up”. She was gracious and let me finish up. After walking my dog an hour earlier, I had attempted to get ten more minutes of sleep, but ten minutes had turned into an hour and now I was holding up our weekly run. 

Mel and I were out the door by 9:15 am. I ran knowing that one important part of my morning ritual had been left out, but I hoped it would be okay - I was wrong. At mile seven, I really had to poop. Just as the prairie doggin began (look it up in urban dictionary), we came upon a bathroom. Not wanting to get my hopes up, I approached the door of the public toilet cautiously. In the Northwest, you never quite know when spring will officially start and Mother Nature will turn Her key to unlock public restrooms everywhere. Luckily, the door opened with ease. I raced to the toilet, pulled down my capris and began to hover. The relief was almost immediate and a smile came to my sweaty face. In preparation, I reached up to gather some tissue - there was nothing on the roll. My relief turning to fear, I looked around for napkins, seat covers, paper towels, anything... but there was nothing in this eco-friendly facility. I did the only thing I could do and pulled up my pants. As I walked out of the restroom I felt shame. I felt dirty. I blurted out to my friend Mel, “There was no toilet paper! I don’t feel very clean.” She laughed and assured me that it would be alright. I laughed too.

In the end, it was alright. I felt five pounds lighter now that the tots and pizza weren't swimming around in my body. Though, as a precaution and courtesy, I was sure to run downwind from Mel. We completed our last three miles not a moment too soon. Instead of heading for the fridge, I headed for the shower.

Every runner has a pooping story and while the narratives are all different, they always end with a shower. What is your running while pooping story? Share your stories below or on Facebook.