How do two laps turn into 26.2 miles? My first run...

I remember the first day I ran. I went to the Cleveland High School track located in my SE Portland neighborhood. Walking through the metal wired gate, there was no one but me - my 22 year old, 260 pound self - a girl who was beautiful though she didn't know at the time. I did know that I wanted to change my life.  I set my water bottle on the bleachers and walked to the inner lane of the black top track. I was probably wearing my XL Gap sweatshirt, warm-ups, and outlet store tennis shoes - my standard running fit back then. I took a few steps and soon enough I was running, slowly, but running all the same.

It’s amazing how complicated running is. It’s painful, it’s mental, it’s technical, it’s simple. Every step is work - simultaneously kicking and pounding. My lungs were probably like, “WTF?” as they began operating at a level they hadn’t experienced for years. Chest rising and falling - there was a coarseness in my breath, a hoarseness - thick, labored, erratic huffing. As I made the first curve, I noticed gravity playing a game with my breasts, stomach, and buttox. There was a constant jiggle taking place, amplified each time a foot came in contact with the ground. Pound-kick-rise-fall-huff-jiggle….

I ran two laps and as I rounded the last curve, the bleachers seemed to be moving farther away. My body was aching, my lungs were burning. I finally reached my water bottle and sat. My legs had stopped moving, but the rest of my body was still reeling from what had just happened - I had run half a mile.

Thinking back, I know that my 22 year old, 260 pound self would have never imagined that 10 years later she, we would have countless race medals dangling from our wall, most for 15ks and half marathons, three cherished medals from the grueling yet wonderful Portland marathons.

How do two laps turn into 26.2 miles? How does one find self-acceptance when her perception of the image in the mirror is loathesome, ugly, tragic?

I arched my head back and took a few swigs from my bottle. I slid my hand across my forehead and wiped the sweat on my warmups. Slowly, I rose to my feet and took a few steps. Soon enough I was running, slowly, but running all the same.