The Life Cycle of Running on the Treadmill

The sun has gone down and it is 30 degrees outside; the treadmill is my only choice. I prefer to run outdoors. It’s just who I am. There’s the beauty of Forrest Park at the Lief Errickson trail head, the criss-crossing bridges along the Portland water front, and the challenge of overcoming Terwilliger Hill. But today, it’s just me and the machine - the dreadmill, the hamster wheel of death.

Minutes 0-1: 5 miles/hour. The first few steps feel good, especially with Pitbull blaring in the sound system. One, two, three, four, uno, dos, tres, quatro. I’m confident that the 30 minutes will go fast and wondering how I can take a selfie without falling. I don’t have my earbuds, but if I’m lucky, the hip hop will hold.

Minutes 1:01-5: And then Aerosmith begins to play. I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing. This is not good. So bored. Uh oh… I’m feeling a little gassy. Hold it, hold it.

Minutes 5:01-19:15: Still running at 5 miles/hour. Madonna is playing. Like a Virgin...hey! Not my preference for running music, but it’s better than Aerosmith. I’m really getting my flow now and I have taken it upon myself to count each car that is traveling north on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard below. At 12 minutes, I counted 50 cars. At 19:15 - 100 cars. Woohoo! I haven’t been bored for a good while. I wonder how long I can keep this going? I’m so awesome. I’m less gassy.

Minutes: 19:16-19:59: They are playing the same Pitbull song that they played earlier. Maybe I should just start walking. Other people are walking. It seems like forever.

Minutes: 20:00-21:59: 6 miles/hour now. Definitely the fastest runner in the row of seven treadmills. Two women, four guys, and I am definitely the fastest. Okay, wow. This is starting to hurt. Is my belly showing? What is my butt doing? Jiggling, I bet. Are the weight-lifting guys watching my butt jiggle? Ugh, I am sweating so much. Can the guys lifting weights see how much I am sweating? The sweat is dripping on to the machine. Ew…

Minutes: 22:00-24:59: Running at 5.5 miles/hour. I feel so much better. 6 miles/hour is definitely too fast. I just need a good song to come on. I can’t take much more of this. Okay, try to think positive. If I can just make it to 25 minutes, maybe I’ll start walking.

Minutes: 25:00-27:00: 6 miles/hour. Oh lord, Taylor Swift is crying about bad blood and mad love. Speaking of bad blood, is the woman next to me trying to race me? I can't walk unless she walks first.

Minutes: 27:01-29:45: 5 miles/hour. So glad that woman got off her machine. Now I can go back to my comfortable pace. I. am. so. bored.

Minutes: 29:46-30:00: 6 miles/hour. Is that Missy Elliot’s new song? That's how they do where you from. Finally! This is my jam. The beat is adding wind to my legs - I could do this forever. Oh, wait, what? I'm done.